Hot blooded, check it and see

I'm sick! No actually, I'm siiiick :( :(

I very rarely get sick, I think. The last time I remember being sick was around New Year's Eve last year. Let me tell you, as much as I am loving the single thesbian life, having a gf when you're sick is so freaking stellar. When I'm sick, there's nothing I want to do more than cuddle up to someone I love and share all of my germs with them. It's not about the germ-sharing, of course, I always feel pretty bad about that in the end. But when you're feeling gross and alone, it's a pretty great feeling to have someone buy you popsicles, rent The Office on DVD, and give you limitless snuggles as you blow your nose 'til you look like Rudolph. Now I had to feverishly stumble to the convenience store to buy my own popsicles, and slept all day.

As I said though, the single thesbian life is going along pretty well indeed. Was it nice to be in the same couple-dom stage as most of my friends? Yes. But does it also feel nice to make out with lots of thesbians and half-thesbians, all while keeping my heart intact? You betcha. I always greatly disliked the character of Shane on The L Word, but now I think she might have been onto something...

K, gonna go sleep for 18 hours now.

And so it is

Do you ever cry when you end things? Since, whenever I've been broken up with the breaker has never cried in front of me, I found myself taken aback when I began to cry yesterday. But then I was glad I cried - that's how sad I was to hurt another person, and that's how much I would miss her presence in my life.

I hope I've made the right decision. I think I must have. It's very hard to tell sometimes, isn't it, thesbians? When you care about someone, but something just doesn't feel right. It still doesn't feel good. The girl is so kind and genuine...I hope we find a way to be in each other's lives. I hope I'm not self-sabotaging. I hope that one day the idea of a relationship will be ok with me again.

Whenever I want you all I have to do is

Just when you think that you're going to have one moment in your day not thinking about them, you dream about them.

Dear unconscious - kindly fucking stop. Give me dreams about how happy I can be without them. Or at the very least give me dreams where I get to make out with Evan Rachel Wood.

Sun it will rise soon enough

Since Thesbian Palace isn't the runaway hit that it once was (hah), I feel like I can perhaps be more honest in my entries. And yeah, this one has a more sombre tone than I would like, but it seems I very rarely think to write when I am happy.

Though there have been happy things to write about. My girlfriend A took me to Ottawa for my birthday! I have never been to Ottawa before, you see, so it was a very exciting trip for me. We even stayed in a nice hotel, procured by A so that we would have privacy away from her mom and to be close to the downtown. I also recently moved, so that was a big moment. Nerve-wracking, but big and ultimately good, I think. It was heart-warming to have so many people help C and I move into our place. A especially, she was super helpful the whole day, and...

Yeah, it's hard to think of happy things when things with A and I have just ended. It seems a bizarre change to me, to talk to someone everyday and then suddenly not at all. I will now give full congratulations to smokers who give up cold turkey. Well done, you! Keep it up. The thing to do I reckon is to think of your sad emotions like nicotine cravings. Once you push them to the back of your mind enough, you won't have them anymore. Right? Maybe. Probably.

In the moment that it happened I felt like I was going to put it all on me, like I usually do; what intrinsic quality do I have that renders me unlovable? And while these questions do roll around in my head from time to time, I realize that with this break-up, it's different - I mainly just miss her. I miss the excited anticipation that I would get when I knew I was going to see her, the calm I would feel when in her presence. I miss listening to her tell me about her day, even the parts I didn't understand, because she would just explain things a little easier so I would. I miss talking to her about silly pop culture things and I miss holding her hand. I miss goodnight texts and anytime hugs and about a million other things, but mostly...I just miss her. It's the kind of missing where you want to do things you really oughtn't, like text her or call her and make dramatic appeals of getting back together. But these aren't options. Because some things just aren't your call. So all you can do is keep going, and wait to start to heal.

We accept the love we think we deserve

Hallelujah, I think I just spelt that right! Also, it's me, the Thesbian Princess - not dead like all those internet rumours would have you believe.

DON'T I HAVE NICE HANDS

Although indeed, sometimes it felt as though I might be "half alive but I [felt] mostly dead" (#jewelappreciation). Sometimes, the confidence and optimism that you've carried with you starts to kind of fade away. 'Cause sometimes, it's just like that...and that's the way it isss.

Thesbians, I've come to a conclusion. My friend C and I were chatting, the topic concerning being overly-nice. I realized that's the thing I mainly strive to be in life - really, really nice. Sometimes funny and a good hug-giver, too. She's basically the same way. 

Unfortch thesbians and half-thesbians are generally, like, way WAY more complicated than that. I feel like I missed out on "Why you should play hard to get and never attempt a relationship with a thesbian because that would be too easy 101."

Here's my ad: Are you well-educated? Kinda cute? Not confused, hung up on an ex, and are willing to hold my hand sometimes?

Long story short: I feel like I should join the thesbian nunnery. Aka, I'm pretty sure...a nunnery. But as it is written in one of my favourite books, The Perks of Being a Wallflower: "We accept the love we think we deserve." Maybe I'll start with that.

***This is my :S blog post. I get one every 1.5 years. The next one will be about Pride and lady kisses and THESBIAN CAMPING. So. Stick around!

And you can tell everybody this is your song

My friend C's birthday was a couple weeks ago and, while she herself is not a thesbian, she is a friend to thesbian royalty and used to be an avid reader of Thesbian Palace. I say used to be because - I'm sure you, dear reader, have realized long ago - I haven't updated this here blog in months.

What happened? Have I left the thesbian "lifestyle"? Married Freddie Prinze Jr and had 2.5 children, like my gr. 7 diary so predicted?

SUPER SIZE MY BALLS

Nay my friends, nay. I've been around. I've hung out with some thesbians and non-thesbians, and sometimes, with half-thesbians (fact: bisexuals prefer this title).

Much has happened. I've moved back home, I've started working. I've partied it up some, both in my hometown and the nearby "big city." Life is good.

WHEEE

With summer in the air and sangria in my belly, it's time to blast some tunes. And here is a shocking admission:

Once, I nearly had my thesbian card taken away(!) due to the fact that I greatly dislike...yes, in fact practically hate...

Tegan and Sara.

KNOPE

What of it, thesbians? So I don't like your goddesses. I bet you all have differing opinions of mine, a Ms. Meryl J (I made that up) Streep. I find a whole lot of T&S songs depressing and oh, do their voices grate. I am perfectly content listening to 60s pop tunes instead.

Except for when I'm not. Thesbian Christmas parties just aren't the same when everyone's talking about the latest T&S concert they went to last night.

Everyone: "Omg did you see what Tegan was wearing?" "How funny was Sara?" "And then when they changed up that part in that song? I was just like --"
Me: "Hey this is a great chair, is it new?"
Everyone: "........."

Whatever. I still know all the words to Broadway's greatest hits, AND I appreciate interior design...I might be a gay man.

JK y'alls. What I mean to say is, I have good taste in music too. I am a mix tape (or CD, what decade am I in) queen. Here are a couple mixes I made just for you.

The Hook Up

-Some MGMT (I almost wrote MDMA lololol). I'll recommend "Electric Feel."
-Some Florence and the Machine. Anything by her, really, even the depressingly lyric'd "Cosmic Love." No one cares what she's singing about with that drum beat and melifluous wail.

After that it's like, what kind of hook up is this? Do you like to keep it super romantic? Otis Redding "I've Been Loving You Too Long." Want something a little edgy? Peaches "Fuck the Pain Away."

What not to hook up to? Michael Buble's "I Just Haven't Met You Yet." Oh yes, it happened. It accidentally started playing mid...you know. It turns out Mr. Buble is quite the psychic.

The Break Up

-"Romeo and Juliet" by The Indigo Girls. Thesbian points what whaaat
-"I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt. Title = enough said.
-"Sometime Around Midnight" by The Airborne Toxic Event
-"White Blank Page" by Mumford and Sons
-"It's Cool We Can Still Be Friends" by Bright Eyes

My break up list has more songs than my hook up list. Yep. Enjoy!

Mamma Mia! Does it show again?

Tis Mother's Day in North America. Though I am still residing in the UK, where "Mothering Sunday" was celebrated just over a month ago, my family is celebrating back home today. Thus, a tribute to the Queen of Thesbian Palace (haha), my mom.

BFF

The above pic comes from the film Easy A, wherein the incredibly quick-witted/too awesome for words heroine and her mom are having some girl-talk. The relationship Olive, the heroine, maintains with both of her parents is actually ideal. Though my parents don't treat me exactly as Olive's parents treat her - as a peer, or a friend - my parents and I still have a very open, honest, and fun-loving relationship, much like the one in this film.

Though the Thesbian Palace does not rule under any specific religion (not since the Battle of Lesopia circa 1992-1994, anyway), I must say that I feel very blessed to have such parents, and specifically on this day, such a mom.

Yes, I worried like the rest of you thesbians before coming out to her. Though she had never said anything truly awful about The Gays before, she had also never said anything good, so. I worried.

But when I did finally tell her, she had a moment of silence. A moment where I wondered if I should just take it all back. But after that moment, she proved to be the mom every mom should be like. She told me she'll always love me, no matter what. Hugging and tears, blah blah blah. A big dramatic scene that today, I can see, was wholly unnecessary.

Because today, she sends me e-mails asking how I'm doing since my last break-up. Today, she Skypes with me asking if I've met any thesbians of interest. Today - well okay, a couple of summers ago - she went with me, my ex, and my ex's mom to a gay club. On drag night. Potentially a night of awkwardness? Potentially, yes. But my mom rocked it, and it ended up being one of the best nights of my life.

She still plays her terrible music too loud, and yes, she still nags me about keeping things clean. Some things will never change. But they also will never really matter. Not when there's the kind of love that does.

Screwed dot com

Ummm...

So I'm a femme-seeking-femme, non-animal-loving thesbian.

Yep. It bodes very well.

But I really am allergic, you know.

Dressed up like you're something else

Ties! I sometimes love wearing ties. Though momentarily popularized by Canadian chanteuse April The Vineyard, it has been a thesbian staple for years. Yeeeears and years and years. Well at least a couple of decades.

HELL YEAH THAT'S AN ASCOT, TONY BENNETT LOVES EM

DREAMBOAT TO 92.5% OF THE FEMALE POPULATION, NBD

So while I wouldn't say ties are strictly thesbian when worn by a woman, they certainly seem to help in getting less male attention while at a bar or club.

OR SO I THOUGHT

This is a tale of geographics, and fashions, and perhaps drunken patrons who just wanna get some. This is a tale of Canadian Boys versus English Boys.

In Canada, like I said - if I were to patronize a typical straight club (ie any club that is not specifically deemed gay, queer, thesbionic etc etc), I seem to get so very little male attention when I wear my button down shirt, my nerdy glasses, and my tie. The most I've ever gotten I think was a "hey dude, nice tie!" Perhaps a high five to follow it up. But basically, whether it was my intention or not, guys haven't paid much attention to me unless I follow a more traditionally feminine dress code.

When I went out to a fun little bar for my friend's friend's birthday party last weekend, however, this was not the case. I was chatted up/danced on by not one but two boys. On my way home, two different boys kissed me when they stepped off of the subway.

Thus I have concluded that at home, boys mainly see girls in ties and think "thesbian," while guys here think "quirky straight girl with an off-beat fashion sense." That, or they're too drunk to care. I will keep wearing my tie to collect this scientific data.

QUIRKY STRAIGHT FASHIONS

I've looked at clouds from both sides now

Oh hey there thesbians! It's been awhile hmm? It's been quite the last few months. Thesbian parties, thesbian lovin', thesbians thesbians everywhere. I am, in fact, a newly transported sapphic sister. I just flew the coup and I'm currently residing in the U.K. awooo! Well, partial awooo. The truth is I don't know if I'll love my job here, I've separated from a girl that I really care about and miss, and I'm living with friends who are a couple. Friends who do coupley things. Which is great and all, but it makes me envious and a bit sad. I want someone to canoodle with while waiting for the train. I want to have someone I pay for once in awhile, and not in the prostitute kind of way. So awooo to making a change and going through with plans that I'd promised myself long ago. But abooo to being a big thesbian baby and random bouts of blahness. Maybe the Queen could give me some advice, we're probably more similar than you think. We both like a drink and wearing sashes every once in awhile. And she has a palace too.

Hahahaha

Me: Kate Middleton is really pretty, don't you think Mom?

Mom: She's off the market T.P., so don't even think about it.

I hear the secrets that you keep

Five years ago today.

"I have a secret. It appears it's a secret I can't even write about, really. I guess I figure that if I write it, it'll actually be true. And it can't be. I know this sounds like it doesn't make sense, or it wouldn't to the average person, but then again, the average person shouldn't be reading my diary.

I don't know what to do, I really don't. I've had this secret for quite some time, I've just never truly acknowledged it. I don't know why I am now. I don't know if I'll ever write about it again. Geez, it sounds like I'm pregnant or something. Thank goodness, no. But still, I don't want this secret either."

Then the Thesbian Princess said something in German (she was studying German at the time), bid her diary gute nacht, and did not, in fact, write about "it" for another five months.

A very sad and confused 18-year-old Thesbian Princess would've been thankful. Because a lot of the time...it is tremendously better.

Girls will be boys and boys will be girls

A few nights ago I was being driven home by a taxi driver, and for some reason, he wanted to talk about my love life.

Oh yes.

Had I just come from doing something with my boyfriend, he wondered? Hah, said I, just before I proceeded to tell him details of my life that cannot and should not be summarized in a ten minute drive home. With a perfect stranger. In the wee hours of the morning.

I came out to him, and when I did he was like, "wait...girl...???" as if he didn't hear me right. Then when I said oh yes indeed, girls are amazing, I just can't find any blah blah blah, he was like, "well you shouldn't anyway, you should try with a man." Ohhhhh yes. He did.

I then said I HAVE tried dating men, it didn't fit, and he says, "well, you should try again," so I said "have you ever tried being with a man, sir?" He claims "that's different," but I said I really don't think so. Then he said I have to think of God and how I'm going to have to answer to Him one day. So I, trying not to get worked up, say that I know in my heart that God loves me, God made me to be just who I am, go blow yourself, etc etc. Okay maybe not that last one. But it was one passion-infused lil statement.

Probably why, when he finally dropped me off, he awkwardly/sympathetically suggested, "have you ever tried, uh, The Embassy? I think...maybe you should try there."

I'm a sex machine ready to reload (and apparently that's totally cool)

Have they not seen The Real L Word?

This also brings me to the fact that one of my coworkers, who had recently gone out to see strippers for his birthday, informed me that "it's a good time, and you don't want to have a slutty girlfriend, so it's cool that you can go there and, you know..." To which I replied "what, watch other girls be slutty? What is a slutty girlfriend, anyway? Someone who's sexing you a lot? Because I don't see that as a problem. Someone who's sexing other people? Because then...I don't think she's your girlfriend. And also, it's a stripper's job to "be slutty," as you say. HER JOB. It's a service." Then I reeled it in and didn't ask how he is exempt from sluttiness in being a patron, etc etc.

Also my grandma told me the other day to "remember, Thesbian Princess, men don't like bossy women - take note." Noted.

Grams mustn't have noticed my slutty thesbian eyeing of a Miss Ellen Page when a clip from Inception interrupted her evening news. Let's take a moment to be queer sluts once more. After all, there is apparently no shame...

You better shop around

So I work as a cashier, and many a possible thesbian has gone through my lane. Today in particular, a fairly feminine blond woman wearing an adorably splashed-upon paint suit came through. Immediately I think - should I do something? I have terrible (I mean terrible - remember Dana Fairbanks [RIP]?) gaydar, so when I have even the slightest inkling (extra side note: inkling is taken from inclination, so why the k?!) that someone might be a thesbian, I get quite excited. I want to give them a special nod, and get one in return. I want RECOGNITION. So I look a bit deeper into a possible thesbian's eyes, as if to say "I'm one too!" when in fact I'm probably just creeping them out. I noticed that she smiled for an extra millisecond and looked at my name tag...I guess until I start wearing my "I'm a lesbian, ask me how!" button to work, I'll be content with that.

Baby bye bye bi

Oh yes, I'm going there. Bisexuality. The myth. The legend. The actual sexual orientation that is, to some, as believable as unicorns. I could be one of those people. On my path to thesbianism, I claimed bisexuality for just about two years. Then one day I realized that boys are gross and that I am very much a thesbian, a way of life that all women should embrace. Kidding! Only some boys are gross. Most are just mildly uncouth.

What I actually realized was that I had been fooling myself all along - I was always a thesbian, I had just been telling myself that I was bi to keep a straight safety net for my future. So for all y'all out there who believe that bisexuality is just a stop on the way to Gaytown, well sure, it is for some. But just because it was for me doesn't mean it is for everyone - can you not say that you enjoy both cake and ice cream? Both can be deliciously sweet and chocolatey, so why should you claim to only like one, when both have good qualities? Very similar qualities, in fact, except perhaps that one might get a bit more, ahem, liquified, if left for too long. But do you get what I'm saying? Are you picking up what I'm putting down? Hey, maybe you're simply a cake person. But just because you only like cake doesn't mean you couldn't possibly comprehend how someone might deign to say she likes ice cream too, amirite? Now I really want cake and ice cream. Dammit.

Back to my point - just because you've never felt quite the same way doesn't mean something fails to exist. "I've only ever felt like a woman before, therefore men don't exist." Sure, try that one out. Forget the "they're greedy" crap, the "they're indecisive" baloney. Feel like a whole lot of your bi lady friends end up in serious relationships with men? Perhaps because, considering they're BI, they could end up with either! Also let's consider the fact that there are approximately a gazillion straight men, and about 3 thesbians.

I think about this from time to time, because there seems to be a pretty strong undercurrent of biphobia within the LGT community. What? What's that? I missed something? There's supposed to be a B in there somewhere? But what does it stand for OH RITE BISEXUALITY.

I am making a post about it because a week or so ago I was in a very lovely thesbian bar. When striking up a conversation with my friends (an awesome thesbian couple) and the Hottie Von Hottenheimer employee serving us, Hottie was introduced to me, and before she even asked me my name she inquired, "are you bi?" Was this because I was dressed so femmey my eyes were shooting pink lasers? Was it because she has ready-to-go biphobia? Or was it because she actually has a thing for bi ladies? I very quickly found out it was not the latter, because as soon as I said "no, I'm a thesbian," she replied "good," and our convo moved to drinks. Perhaps she was just trying to be funny - she did seem to have quite a tongue-in-cheek sense of humour throughout the rest of the evening. It just kinda rubbed me the wrong way, though - what if I was bi? How would she have reacted? I'm pretty sure thesbians are judged by society enough to realize that this biphobia should be a thing of the past, stat. I got the feeling that, in informing her of my thesbianism, I was proving something - but what?

Look, ladies, if you're worried that she's going to leave you for a boy, why is that any different than if she leaves you for a girl? And if she's leaving you, maybe it's because you're insecure or biphobic. Or because you're a boy, in which case you're probably gross or mildly uncouth, and she's going to become a thesbian in a year or two so you may as well just give up now.

Bye bye bye!

If I fell

I just watched the preview to Beyond Gay: The Politics of Pride, which I sadly missed at a recent LGBT film festival. Mid-trailer, a couple of statistics came up on the screen:

Homosexuality remains illegal in roughly seventy countries.

In seven it is punishable by death.

I couldn't believe it. I often dismiss how lucky I am to live in Canada. Sure, there are risks in coming out as gay still, but we definitely do not risk punishment by our legal system. To think that by the simple, innocent act of falling in love, you're putting your life in danger? Today?

I wanted to know a bit more about rights, so of course, in Googling LGBT legal rights I was lead directly to Wikipedia. According to their entry, "in modern times seven countries have no official heterosexist discrimination. They are Belgium, Canada, Netherlands, Norway, Sweden, South Africa, and Spain. This full non-discrimination includes the rights of marriage and adoption."

Seven countries. SEVEN countries. That is ridiculous. My marriage isn't valid in any other country? And my life would be at stake in seven countries if I even tried to get married??

I wish I could help, I wish I could do more to change minds and change laws...I am very blessed to live where I do.

Who's fast, and thorough, and sharp as a tack

So I don't know if you knew this, but Sabrina Jalees is pretty much my ideal. I've got a big old theeeesbian crush (Mean Girls?...anyone?), because she is just so witty! Ughughugh, cute hip look + funny lady = perfection, amirite?! I was watching a new Video on Trial featuring Sabrina with my my friend A tonight, and in the middle of Sabrina sitting there, crackin' some jokes and looking hot, I said to A, "that's it! She is it. Sabrina Jalees, or the closest one can be to her, because she is just...my type. I have a type!!"

A: (calmly sitting there, analyzing the situation) She is definitely your type, and I can see you two marrying in the future.
Me: No need to create my own false hopes then when you can do it for me. Thanks friend! Also she has a girlfriend.
A: Minor detail.

Also, the librarian I am currently working under loaned me a book from the teacher exchange programme, the book being Ellen Degeneres's second (?), entitled The Funny Thing Is...When I showed the book to my mother, telling her I got special permission to borrow it before the teachers do their swap, my mom immediately shouted, "ohmigosh KEEP IT!" Hah.

A grown-up woman should never fall so easily

I was just listening to a mix CD while driving and three things came to mind.

1. I must have been super dee duper entranced by Amanda Seyfried's hot bod while watching Mamma Mia, because somehow "Lay All Your Love On Me" made it onto the CD. It's an okay song to be sure, but somehow, unless listening to it while watching this, it's just not mix CD-worthy. Speaking of Amanda Seyfried's hot bod, have you seen her new ink? Scroll down on that afterellen link, it shows that she has the word "minge," a slang term for vagina in England, tattooed on her foot. Hell to the yeah.

2. I will never. get. tired. of this song. Neverevernever. The person who's singing it seems to be a bit of a douche - who the hell are you to tell someone that sooner or later they're going to give you all the love they've "been denying"? But I don't even caaaaare, woo hoo it's so damn catchy.

3. Remember the days when you stayed in the car extra long, just to hear the end of a song you loved? And if you were extra on the ball, you would have a blank casette tape ready, to record that rockin jam, because you were too broke to buy the casette for realsies. I miss those days.

Diary of a Future Thesbian, Part 2

From the BFF diary I shared with my next door neighbour, A:

Sunday, August 2, '98

"I have the biggest crush on B nextdoor. He is really sweet, funny, and cute. I also like A's brother M a lot. M, if you're reading this, nothing I just wrote is true! (it really is, though)"

Way to protect those super-secret crushes there, Thesb Princess.

Another gem, from the year prior:

Sunday, May 25, '97

"Hi! [Thesb Princess] here! It is my brother's birthday tomorrow. He is turning 14. I am 10. I don't ever want to be 14, although I wonder what it would be like. I didn't want to be 8, 9, and 10, too. Oh well! I am probably not going on the end of the year trip, and I can't think of a terrific thing to do. Should I:

Go shopping
Go swimming
Have a sleepover
All of the above
None of the above"

Wow. Apparently it's all downhill after 7, but why not have some SUPER AWESOME SLEEPOVERS on the way?