Whenever I want you all I have to do is

Just when you think that you're going to have one moment in your day not thinking about them, you dream about them.

Dear unconscious - kindly fucking stop. Give me dreams about how happy I can be without them. Or at the very least give me dreams where I get to make out with Evan Rachel Wood.

Sun it will rise soon enough

Since Thesbian Palace isn't the runaway hit that it once was (hah), I feel like I can perhaps be more honest in my entries. And yeah, this one has a more sombre tone than I would like, but it seems I very rarely think to write when I am happy.

Though there have been happy things to write about. My girlfriend A took me to Ottawa for my birthday! I have never been to Ottawa before, you see, so it was a very exciting trip for me. We even stayed in a nice hotel, procured by A so that we would have privacy away from her mom and to be close to the downtown. I also recently moved, so that was a big moment. Nerve-wracking, but big and ultimately good, I think. It was heart-warming to have so many people help C and I move into our place. A especially, she was super helpful the whole day, and...

Yeah, it's hard to think of happy things when things with A and I have just ended. It seems a bizarre change to me, to talk to someone everyday and then suddenly not at all. I will now give full congratulations to smokers who give up cold turkey. Well done, you! Keep it up. The thing to do I reckon is to think of your sad emotions like nicotine cravings. Once you push them to the back of your mind enough, you won't have them anymore. Right? Maybe. Probably.

In the moment that it happened I felt like I was going to put it all on me, like I usually do; what intrinsic quality do I have that renders me unlovable? And while these questions do roll around in my head from time to time, I realize that with this break-up, it's different - I mainly just miss her. I miss the excited anticipation that I would get when I knew I was going to see her, the calm I would feel when in her presence. I miss listening to her tell me about her day, even the parts I didn't understand, because she would just explain things a little easier so I would. I miss talking to her about silly pop culture things and I miss holding her hand. I miss goodnight texts and anytime hugs and about a million other things, but mostly...I just miss her. It's the kind of missing where you want to do things you really oughtn't, like text her or call her and make dramatic appeals of getting back together. But these aren't options. Because some things just aren't your call. So all you can do is keep going, and wait to start to heal.

We accept the love we think we deserve

Hallelujah, I think I just spelt that right! Also, it's me, the Thesbian Princess - not dead like all those internet rumours would have you believe.

DON'T I HAVE NICE HANDS

Although indeed, sometimes it felt as though I might be "half alive but I [felt] mostly dead" (#jewelappreciation). Sometimes, the confidence and optimism that you've carried with you starts to kind of fade away. 'Cause sometimes, it's just like that...and that's the way it isss.

Thesbians, I've come to a conclusion. My friend C and I were chatting, the topic concerning being overly-nice. I realized that's the thing I mainly strive to be in life - really, really nice. Sometimes funny and a good hug-giver, too. She's basically the same way. 

Unfortch thesbians and half-thesbians are generally, like, way WAY more complicated than that. I feel like I missed out on "Why you should play hard to get and never attempt a relationship with a thesbian because that would be too easy 101."

Here's my ad: Are you well-educated? Kinda cute? Not confused, hung up on an ex, and are willing to hold my hand sometimes?

Long story short: I feel like I should join the thesbian nunnery. Aka, I'm pretty sure...a nunnery. But as it is written in one of my favourite books, The Perks of Being a Wallflower: "We accept the love we think we deserve." Maybe I'll start with that.

***This is my :S blog post. I get one every 1.5 years. The next one will be about Pride and lady kisses and THESBIAN CAMPING. So. Stick around!

And you can tell everybody this is your song

My friend C's birthday was a couple weeks ago and, while she herself is not a thesbian, she is a friend to thesbian royalty and used to be an avid reader of Thesbian Palace. I say used to be because - I'm sure you, dear reader, have realized long ago - I haven't updated this here blog in months.

What happened? Have I left the thesbian "lifestyle"? Married Freddie Prinze Jr and had 2.5 children, like my gr. 7 diary so predicted?

SUPER SIZE MY BALLS

Nay my friends, nay. I've been around. I've hung out with some thesbians and non-thesbians, and sometimes, with half-thesbians (fact: bisexuals prefer this title).

Much has happened. I've moved back home, I've started working. I've partied it up some, both in my hometown and the nearby "big city." Life is good.

WHEEE

With summer in the air and sangria in my belly, it's time to blast some tunes. And here is a shocking admission:

Once, I nearly had my thesbian card taken away(!) due to the fact that I greatly dislike...yes, in fact practically hate...

Tegan and Sara.

KNOPE

What of it, thesbians? So I don't like your goddesses. I bet you all have differing opinions of mine, a Ms. Meryl J (I made that up) Streep. I find a whole lot of T&S songs depressing and oh, do their voices grate. I am perfectly content listening to 60s pop tunes instead.

Except for when I'm not. Thesbian Christmas parties just aren't the same when everyone's talking about the latest T&S concert they went to last night.

Everyone: "Omg did you see what Tegan was wearing?" "How funny was Sara?" "And then when they changed up that part in that song? I was just like --"
Me: "Hey this is a great chair, is it new?"
Everyone: "........."

Whatever. I still know all the words to Broadway's greatest hits, AND I appreciate interior design...I might be a gay man.

JK y'alls. What I mean to say is, I have good taste in music too. I am a mix tape (or CD, what decade am I in) queen. Here are a couple mixes I made just for you.

The Hook Up

-Some MGMT (I almost wrote MDMA lololol). I'll recommend "Electric Feel."
-Some Florence and the Machine. Anything by her, really, even the depressingly lyric'd "Cosmic Love." No one cares what she's singing about with that drum beat and melifluous wail.

After that it's like, what kind of hook up is this? Do you like to keep it super romantic? Otis Redding "I've Been Loving You Too Long." Want something a little edgy? Peaches "Fuck the Pain Away."

What not to hook up to? Michael Buble's "I Just Haven't Met You Yet." Oh yes, it happened. It accidentally started playing mid...you know. It turns out Mr. Buble is quite the psychic.

The Break Up

-"Romeo and Juliet" by The Indigo Girls. Thesbian points what whaaat
-"I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt. Title = enough said.
-"Sometime Around Midnight" by The Airborne Toxic Event
-"White Blank Page" by Mumford and Sons
-"It's Cool We Can Still Be Friends" by Bright Eyes

My break up list has more songs than my hook up list. Yep. Enjoy!

Mamma Mia! Does it show again?

Tis Mother's Day in North America. Though I am still residing in the UK, where "Mothering Sunday" was celebrated just over a month ago, my family is celebrating back home today. Thus, a tribute to the Queen of Thesbian Palace (haha), my mom.

BFF

The above pic comes from the film Easy A, wherein the incredibly quick-witted/too awesome for words heroine and her mom are having some girl-talk. The relationship Olive, the heroine, maintains with both of her parents is actually ideal. Though my parents don't treat me exactly as Olive's parents treat her - as a peer, or a friend - my parents and I still have a very open, honest, and fun-loving relationship, much like the one in this film.

Though the Thesbian Palace does not rule under any specific religion (not since the Battle of Lesopia circa 1992-1994, anyway), I must say that I feel very blessed to have such parents, and specifically on this day, such a mom.

Yes, I worried like the rest of you thesbians before coming out to her. Though she had never said anything truly awful about The Gays before, she had also never said anything good, so. I worried.

But when I did finally tell her, she had a moment of silence. A moment where I wondered if I should just take it all back. But after that moment, she proved to be the mom every mom should be like. She told me she'll always love me, no matter what. Hugging and tears, blah blah blah. A big dramatic scene that today, I can see, was wholly unnecessary.

Because today, she sends me e-mails asking how I'm doing since my last break-up. Today, she Skypes with me asking if I've met any thesbians of interest. Today - well okay, a couple of summers ago - she went with me, my ex, and my ex's mom to a gay club. On drag night. Potentially a night of awkwardness? Potentially, yes. But my mom rocked it, and it ended up being one of the best nights of my life.

She still plays her terrible music too loud, and yes, she still nags me about keeping things clean. Some things will never change. But they also will never really matter. Not when there's the kind of love that does.

Screwed dot com

Ummm...

So I'm a femme-seeking-femme, non-animal-loving thesbian.

Yep. It bodes very well.

But I really am allergic, you know.

Dressed up like you're something else

Ties! I sometimes love wearing ties. Though momentarily popularized by Canadian chanteuse April The Vineyard, it has been a thesbian staple for years. Yeeeears and years and years. Well at least a couple of decades.

HELL YEAH THAT'S AN ASCOT, TONY BENNETT LOVES EM

DREAMBOAT TO 92.5% OF THE FEMALE POPULATION, NBD

So while I wouldn't say ties are strictly thesbian when worn by a woman, they certainly seem to help in getting less male attention while at a bar or club.

OR SO I THOUGHT

This is a tale of geographics, and fashions, and perhaps drunken patrons who just wanna get some. This is a tale of Canadian Boys versus English Boys.

In Canada, like I said - if I were to patronize a typical straight club (ie any club that is not specifically deemed gay, queer, thesbionic etc etc), I seem to get so very little male attention when I wear my button down shirt, my nerdy glasses, and my tie. The most I've ever gotten I think was a "hey dude, nice tie!" Perhaps a high five to follow it up. But basically, whether it was my intention or not, guys haven't paid much attention to me unless I follow a more traditionally feminine dress code.

When I went out to a fun little bar for my friend's friend's birthday party last weekend, however, this was not the case. I was chatted up/danced on by not one but two boys. On my way home, two different boys kissed me when they stepped off of the subway.

Thus I have concluded that at home, boys mainly see girls in ties and think "thesbian," while guys here think "quirky straight girl with an off-beat fashion sense." That, or they're too drunk to care. I will keep wearing my tie to collect this scientific data.

QUIRKY STRAIGHT FASHIONS