Baby bye bye bi

Oh yes, I'm going there. Bisexuality. The myth. The legend. The actual sexual orientation that is, to some, as believable as unicorns. I could be one of those people. On my path to thesbianism, I claimed bisexuality for just about two years. Then one day I realized that boys are gross and that I am very much a thesbian, a way of life that all women should embrace. Kidding! Only some boys are gross. Most are just mildly uncouth.

What I actually realized was that I had been fooling myself all along - I was always a thesbian, I had just been telling myself that I was bi to keep a straight safety net for my future. So for all y'all out there who believe that bisexuality is just a stop on the way to Gaytown, well sure, it is for some. But just because it was for me doesn't mean it is for everyone - can you not say that you enjoy both cake and ice cream? Both can be deliciously sweet and chocolatey, so why should you claim to only like one, when both have good qualities? Very similar qualities, in fact, except perhaps that one might get a bit more, ahem, liquified, if left for too long. But do you get what I'm saying? Are you picking up what I'm putting down? Hey, maybe you're simply a cake person. But just because you only like cake doesn't mean you couldn't possibly comprehend how someone might deign to say she likes ice cream too, amirite? Now I really want cake and ice cream. Dammit.

Back to my point - just because you've never felt quite the same way doesn't mean something fails to exist. "I've only ever felt like a woman before, therefore men don't exist." Sure, try that one out. Forget the "they're greedy" crap, the "they're indecisive" baloney. Feel like a whole lot of your bi lady friends end up in serious relationships with men? Perhaps because, considering they're BI, they could end up with either! Also let's consider the fact that there are approximately a gazillion straight men, and about 3 thesbians.

I think about this from time to time, because there seems to be a pretty strong undercurrent of biphobia within the LGT community. What? What's that? I missed something? There's supposed to be a B in there somewhere? But what does it stand for OH RITE BISEXUALITY.

I am making a post about it because a week or so ago I was in a very lovely thesbian bar. When striking up a conversation with my friends (an awesome thesbian couple) and the Hottie Von Hottenheimer employee serving us, Hottie was introduced to me, and before she even asked me my name she inquired, "are you bi?" Was this because I was dressed so femmey my eyes were shooting pink lasers? Was it because she has ready-to-go biphobia? Or was it because she actually has a thing for bi ladies? I very quickly found out it was not the latter, because as soon as I said "no, I'm a thesbian," she replied "good," and our convo moved to drinks. Perhaps she was just trying to be funny - she did seem to have quite a tongue-in-cheek sense of humour throughout the rest of the evening. It just kinda rubbed me the wrong way, though - what if I was bi? How would she have reacted? I'm pretty sure thesbians are judged by society enough to realize that this biphobia should be a thing of the past, stat. I got the feeling that, in informing her of my thesbianism, I was proving something - but what?

Look, ladies, if you're worried that she's going to leave you for a boy, why is that any different than if she leaves you for a girl? And if she's leaving you, maybe it's because you're insecure or biphobic. Or because you're a boy, in which case you're probably gross or mildly uncouth, and she's going to become a thesbian in a year or two so you may as well just give up now.

Bye bye bye!

If I fell

I just watched the preview to Beyond Gay: The Politics of Pride, which I sadly missed at a recent LGBT film festival. Mid-trailer, a couple of statistics came up on the screen:

Homosexuality remains illegal in roughly seventy countries.

In seven it is punishable by death.

I couldn't believe it. I often dismiss how lucky I am to live in Canada. Sure, there are risks in coming out as gay still, but we definitely do not risk punishment by our legal system. To think that by the simple, innocent act of falling in love, you're putting your life in danger? Today?

I wanted to know a bit more about rights, so of course, in Googling LGBT legal rights I was lead directly to Wikipedia. According to their entry, "in modern times seven countries have no official heterosexist discrimination. They are Belgium, Canada, Netherlands, Norway, Sweden, South Africa, and Spain. This full non-discrimination includes the rights of marriage and adoption."

Seven countries. SEVEN countries. That is ridiculous. My marriage isn't valid in any other country? And my life would be at stake in seven countries if I even tried to get married??

I wish I could help, I wish I could do more to change minds and change laws...I am very blessed to live where I do.

Who's fast, and thorough, and sharp as a tack

So I don't know if you knew this, but Sabrina Jalees is pretty much my ideal. I've got a big old theeeesbian crush (Mean Girls?...anyone?), because she is just so witty! Ughughugh, cute hip look + funny lady = perfection, amirite?! I was watching a new Video on Trial featuring Sabrina with my my friend A tonight, and in the middle of Sabrina sitting there, crackin' some jokes and looking hot, I said to A, "that's it! She is it. Sabrina Jalees, or the closest one can be to her, because she is just...my type. I have a type!!"

A: (calmly sitting there, analyzing the situation) She is definitely your type, and I can see you two marrying in the future.
Me: No need to create my own false hopes then when you can do it for me. Thanks friend! Also she has a girlfriend.
A: Minor detail.

Also, the librarian I am currently working under loaned me a book from the teacher exchange programme, the book being Ellen Degeneres's second (?), entitled The Funny Thing Is...When I showed the book to my mother, telling her I got special permission to borrow it before the teachers do their swap, my mom immediately shouted, "ohmigosh KEEP IT!" Hah.

A grown-up woman should never fall so easily

I was just listening to a mix CD while driving and three things came to mind.

1. I must have been super dee duper entranced by Amanda Seyfried's hot bod while watching Mamma Mia, because somehow "Lay All Your Love On Me" made it onto the CD. It's an okay song to be sure, but somehow, unless listening to it while watching this, it's just not mix CD-worthy. Speaking of Amanda Seyfried's hot bod, have you seen her new ink? Scroll down on that afterellen link, it shows that she has the word "minge," a slang term for vagina in England, tattooed on her foot. Hell to the yeah.

2. I will never. get. tired. of this song. Neverevernever. The person who's singing it seems to be a bit of a douche - who the hell are you to tell someone that sooner or later they're going to give you all the love they've "been denying"? But I don't even caaaaare, woo hoo it's so damn catchy.

3. Remember the days when you stayed in the car extra long, just to hear the end of a song you loved? And if you were extra on the ball, you would have a blank casette tape ready, to record that rockin jam, because you were too broke to buy the casette for realsies. I miss those days.

Diary of a Future Thesbian, Part 2

From the BFF diary I shared with my next door neighbour, A:

Sunday, August 2, '98

"I have the biggest crush on B nextdoor. He is really sweet, funny, and cute. I also like A's brother M a lot. M, if you're reading this, nothing I just wrote is true! (it really is, though)"

Way to protect those super-secret crushes there, Thesb Princess.

Another gem, from the year prior:

Sunday, May 25, '97

"Hi! [Thesb Princess] here! It is my brother's birthday tomorrow. He is turning 14. I am 10. I don't ever want to be 14, although I wonder what it would be like. I didn't want to be 8, 9, and 10, too. Oh well! I am probably not going on the end of the year trip, and I can't think of a terrific thing to do. Should I:

Go shopping
Go swimming
Have a sleepover
All of the above
None of the above"

Wow. Apparently it's all downhill after 7, but why not have some SUPER AWESOME SLEEPOVERS on the way?

I try to be like Grace Kelly, but all her looks were too sad

I want to make a thesbian production - that's right, I will write a lil something, and it could be filmed for funsies this summer.

I also want to create a thesbian baseball league...maybe I could work with the two and make a film about thesbians playing baseball. Oh no wait, I think that was called A League of Their Own.

Either way - thesbians uniting! Literally bringing the words thespian and lesbian together. It should happen. Woo woo excitement.

And I kneeeew...

I just watched a short HBO documentary called "When I Knew," featuring many gay and thesbian adults speaking about the moment or age where they realized they were homos beyond the sapien variety. Which got me thinking about when I knew, aka verrrrry late in life, if I'm going by what the people in the film said. And even when I knew, I kept telling myself that it wasn't true, so what could have been my monumental moment of clarity is mighty muddled (alliteration!). But it got me thinking - even though I figured everything out when I was about 20, there must have been signs beforehand. There must be signs where I should have known, hence the list entitled:

When I Should Have Known

1. When I was 11 and had an insane "admiration" for Drew Barrymore.
2. When I was 12 and had a similar "admiration" for one of my female teachers...yeah, these admirations happened a lot.
3. When I pictured myself getting married, I felt an uncomfortable fear. Except for the dress part, I felt only giddy excitement about that, obvs.
4. When I realized I preferred watching The L Word to hanging out with my boyfriend...seriously double you tee eff was I thinking??