The way I see it, he said, you just can't win it

So I went out to a club last night with some coursemates of mine. It was an exceptionally fun time, despite the fact that we went to a club that plays music I don't generally listen to, and despite the fact that there were a disproportionate amount of XYs there, considering it was an evening where women get in free. For free, people! In my mind that means it should be buzzing with thesbians like a night at The Planet.

Honestly though, I went in knowing it was going to be a very, very straight club. But, as in every straight clubbing experience, I mistakenly believed that it would be quite easy to spend the night dancing only with the ladies with whom I had arrived. All too frequently, however, some random man would start grinding up behind me, and oftentimes returned even when my comrades pulled me closer to dance with them. One individual, despite me kindly shouting to them, "sorry, I'm a thesbian!" trickily made a motion like he didn't understand what I had said, and leaned in closer to "hear" me. When I shouted it for a second time, mid-sentence, he attempted to kiss me.

So here are the issues:

-Some straight women just want to go out and have a nice, fun time dancing with their friends. If they tell men that they don't want to dance, they frequently give the "we're thesbians" excuse. Therefore when I legitimately give that answer, I'm guessing guys like Douchey McDoucherson have heard it one too many times, and decide, "eff that, I'm going to kiss this supposed thesbian." Because sexual harrassment is always the answer.
-I have heard some complaints that there are too many straight women in gay clubs, sometimes because they are allies, and sometimes because people like Douchey make it difficult for them to enjoy a night out. Not only do I not mind straight women coming out to gay clubs, I celebrate the fact that everyone is happy and having a fun time together. I just find it sad that gay clubs are kind of seen as a refuge for straight ladies, who have every right to feel comfortable in straight clubs!

Solutions:

-I start to petition my lovely straight guy friends to go out clubbing every night of the week, to try and out-number the creepos.
-We take clubbing back old school stylz and have people fill out dance cards. Mine would look something like this:

"Smack That" by Akon - The Girls With Whom I Arrived
"Fire Burning" by Sean Kingston - The Girls With Whom I Arrived
"Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga - The Girls With Whom I Fucking Arrived!