Saturday, August 28, 2010

Girls will be boys and boys will be girls

A few nights ago I was being driven home by a taxi driver, and for some reason, he wanted to talk about my love life.

Oh yes.

Had I just come from doing something with my boyfriend, he wondered? Hah, said I, just before I proceeded to tell him details of my life that cannot and should not be summarized in a ten minute drive home. With a perfect stranger. In the wee hours of the morning.

I came out to him, and when I did he was like, "wait...girl...???" as if he didn't hear me right. Then when I said oh yes indeed, girls are amazing, I just can't find any blah blah blah, he was like, "well you shouldn't anyway, you should try with a man." Ohhhhh yes. He did.

I then said I HAVE tried dating men, it didn't fit, and he says, "well, you should try again," so I said "have you ever tried being with a man, sir?" He claims "that's different," but I said I really don't think so. Then he said I have to think of God and how I'm going to have to answer to Him one day. So I, trying not to get worked up, say that I know in my heart that God loves me, God made me to be just who I am, go blow yourself, etc etc. Okay maybe not that last one. But it was one passion-infused lil statement.

Probably why, when he finally dropped me off, he awkwardly/sympathetically suggested, "have you ever tried, uh, The Embassy? I think...maybe you should try there."

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I'm a sex machine ready to reload (and apparently that's totally cool)

Have they not seen The Real L Word?

This also brings me to the fact that one of my coworkers, who had recently gone out to see strippers for his birthday, informed me that "it's a good time, and you don't want to have a slutty girlfriend, so it's cool that you can go there and, you know..." To which I replied "what, watch other girls be slutty? What is a slutty girlfriend, anyway? Someone who's sexing you a lot? Because I don't see that as a problem. Someone who's sexing other people? Because then...I don't think she's your girlfriend. And also, it's a stripper's job to "be slutty," as you say. HER JOB. It's a service." Then I reeled it in and didn't ask how he is exempt from sluttiness in being a patron, etc etc.

Also my grandma told me the other day to "remember, Thesbian Princess, men don't like bossy women - take note." Noted.

Grams mustn't have noticed my slutty thesbian eyeing of a Miss Ellen Page when a clip from Inception interrupted her evening news. Let's take a moment to be queer sluts once more. After all, there is apparently no shame...