The way I see it, he said, you just can't win it

So I went out to a club last night with some coursemates of mine. It was an exceptionally fun time, despite the fact that we went to a club that plays music I don't generally listen to, and despite the fact that there were a disproportionate amount of XYs there, considering it was an evening where women get in free. For free, people! In my mind that means it should be buzzing with thesbians like a night at The Planet.

Honestly though, I went in knowing it was going to be a very, very straight club. But, as in every straight clubbing experience, I mistakenly believed that it would be quite easy to spend the night dancing only with the ladies with whom I had arrived. All too frequently, however, some random man would start grinding up behind me, and oftentimes returned even when my comrades pulled me closer to dance with them. One individual, despite me kindly shouting to them, "sorry, I'm a thesbian!" trickily made a motion like he didn't understand what I had said, and leaned in closer to "hear" me. When I shouted it for a second time, mid-sentence, he attempted to kiss me.

So here are the issues:

-Some straight women just want to go out and have a nice, fun time dancing with their friends. If they tell men that they don't want to dance, they frequently give the "we're thesbians" excuse. Therefore when I legitimately give that answer, I'm guessing guys like Douchey McDoucherson have heard it one too many times, and decide, "eff that, I'm going to kiss this supposed thesbian." Because sexual harrassment is always the answer.
-I have heard some complaints that there are too many straight women in gay clubs, sometimes because they are allies, and sometimes because people like Douchey make it difficult for them to enjoy a night out. Not only do I not mind straight women coming out to gay clubs, I celebrate the fact that everyone is happy and having a fun time together. I just find it sad that gay clubs are kind of seen as a refuge for straight ladies, who have every right to feel comfortable in straight clubs!

Solutions:

-I start to petition my lovely straight guy friends to go out clubbing every night of the week, to try and out-number the creepos.
-We take clubbing back old school stylz and have people fill out dance cards. Mine would look something like this:

"Smack That" by Akon - The Girls With Whom I Arrived
"Fire Burning" by Sean Kingston - The Girls With Whom I Arrived
"Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga - The Girls With Whom I Fucking Arrived!

When love takes over, ye-ea-ah

After visiting L for a pre-new year girly slumber partay, I borrowed one of her issues of Cosmopolitan. I had been reading it the night before, amidst the make-overing, nail polishing, Gilmore Girling activities. Generally speaking, I hate the magazine. It's definitely not inclusive of all types (ie. thesbians) of women, and it just generally displays products/fashions I could care less about. But as a silly, guilty pleasure read, I borrowed it, and am now learning so much about myself!

For instance, did you know that I'm a "Master Dater" (my mind just went to when I was on the debate team for about two seconds in high school. It was me and 6 guys, the obvious joke concerning "master debaters"...maybe why I love 'that's what she said' so much)? The Cosmo Quiz revealed all, saying I'm no Bashful Babe or Too-Fierce Flirt. Whew! What a relief.

Delving more into love-stuffs (I'm guessing there's extra because it's like, the new year issue? I have no idea), apparently my best lovin' and sexin' matches are Libra and Scorpio, which, to Cosmo, translates to Josh Duhamel (Sweetest Scorpio!) and Zac Efron (Spiciest Libra!). Alright, I'll take it. Zac's pretty much a thesbian, let's face it.

Then of course there's the interview with my one-time twin Amanda Bynes. I thought that people on magazine covers have to have a new film happening, or something to promote. But apparently the article focused on taking Bynes to a psychic and asking about her (prepare to be shocked) love life.

Aaand back to academic reading.

Suddenly I see

I was reading an article in a magazine recently about actress Meredith Baxter, who starred on the show Family Ties in the 80s. I had never seen the show, and I didn't really know who she was, but the article seemed like it would be very thesbian-centric, so I read it. The article interviewed Baxter who, now in her 60s, is finally coming out publically as a lesbian. What I find particularly interesting is not the fact that she is coming out so late in life, but the way she describes her self-realization. The magazine that interviews her (People) states that, after three failed (straight) marriages, Baxter

compares her realization about being gay to what happened in seventh grade when, after years of blurry vision, she put on a friend's eyeglasses. "I almost started to cry. I could see indiviual leaves on trees that I thought were just lollipops. I just didn't know that was the way things looked," she recalls. "That was kind of the way it was for me the first time I was with a woman: It was like, 'Okay, I get it.'"

Sound familiar? One of the main characters on Grey's Anatomy used the same analogy last season, I think:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BB3LK_Qh_dU

I can see the study now - "Eye problems linked to lesbianism, everyone's mothers push for free eye care." Truly though, I wonder how people would go about describing their personal revelations...